The Dangerous TRUTH About Modern Relationships (RESEARCH BASED!)

Relationships… most of us want them, I would assume. After all, humans are a social species, and we desire connection, affection, and intimate contact.

In fact, at least half of healthy babies, who have their basic physiological needs met, but are starved of affection, DIE!

A 2011 meta analysis, which reviewed 90 studies, with a total sample size of about 500 million people, found that the risk of death was 32% higher across a lifetime for single men compared to married men. Single women, on the other hand, faced a 23% higher risk of death compared to married women.

To quantify that in a measure of years, single men may be at risk of dying 8 – 17 years SOONER than their married counterparts. For women, that number could be 7 – 15 years sooner.

Now, granted, there are other factors that should be considered. For instance, a loveless and/or sexless marriage won’t be doing you any favors either. But, meaningful social contact and connection is demonstrably healthy for us, both mentally and physically.

And similar risks occur in single parents, according to two studies, with a combined sample size of 723,409, lasting 20 years combined. Even when age, lifestyle, health, and socio-demographic characteristics are adjusted for, single fathers and mothers both experience increased mortality risk compared to non-single parents. Though, single fathers die at a rate twice-as-high as single mothers.

And loneliness was considered one of the major risk factors for single parents. Single fathers, especially, are less likely to have relationships and connections within and between social networks that would work to enhance their health, productivity and well-being. Single fathers are also less-eligible for, and receive less community support than do single mothers.

Without a social support system, isolation can become a very real threat to people as they age.

And prolonged social isolation can have numerous profound negative impacts on our health and well being, including increased suicidal behavior.

So, seeking out and establishing a lasting relationship now, while we’re younger, could be of great benefit to us as we get older. Regardless of your current offspring status.

Unfortunately, however, that may be easier said than done. As the modern social landscape is looking like a fucking minefield.

First of all, there appears to be a rise in personality disorders, such as Narcissism and Borderline Personality Disorder.

One Florida-based doctor, who has been practicing for 30-years, stated in 2013 that she’s encountering 50% MORE personality disorders than anytime previously in her career.

According to a large 2008 study, 5.9% of the US population, or 17,941,900 people at that time, suffered from Borderline personality disorder. Whereas 6.2% of the US population, or 18,854,200 people at that time, suffered from Narcissistic personality disorder. With women suffering higher rates of BPD, and men suffering higher rates of NPD. Worse yet, there’s a 40% chance that if someone suffers one of those disorders they also suffer the other! And there are people who suffer traits of a given personality disorder without actually suffering the full disorder.

And these disorders are NOT conducive to healthy relationships. For instance, both NPDs and BPDs are known for promiscuity and cheating without remorse. Among other negative behaviors, such as being abusive and violent toward their partners. And they can be incredibly charming, covert, and manipulative. Many folks find themselves prey to these types after they’re already in too deep.

But, even if you manage to avoid a relationship with a person suffering from a PD, we are living in progressively degenerate and hedonistic times. Thus, you may STILL not embark upon finding love unscathed.

And the statistics are horrifying.

Research demonstrates that 30 – 40% of unmarried couples and 18 – 20% of married couples experience AT LEAST one incident of sexual infidelity with their partners.

And one large paper, involving a sample size of 19,065 people over a 15-year period, found that male infidelity has risen by 8%, and female infidelity has risen by 10%! And twice as many men report having had an extramarital affair compared to women.

On average, 68% of men and 39% of women who have cheated admit that their significant other never found out.

And only 12% of cheaters actually confess to their disloyalty, whereas more than half of infidelity cases are discovered by the other partner via electronic evidence, such as texts, emails, or photos “on the cloud”.

And this behavior seems to be most prevalent in the 25-54 age range, which is the prime age range for seeking a relationship, and settling down to start a family.

With 55% of men admitting they’ve cheated on their significant other with FIVE OR MORE PEOPLE, and 50% of women admitting they’ve cheat with at least one. The men trend toward meeting their mistresses online, whereas women tend to do so in social settings, like bars or parties, and typically had romantic priors with said person.

And for those wondering who cheats more often, liberals or conservatives, the General Social Survey, which is a sociological survey created and regularly collected since 1972, has found that just over 26% of liberals admit to having an affair, whereas 13% of conservatives do. And liberal-leaning women are more likely to have an affair than conservative men, despite men, in general, being more likely to cheat than women.

So, yeah, conservatives appear to be less likely to cheat, but they still cheat at a jaw-dropping rate! A rate that would equate to approx. 6,715,860 active conservative voters in the US alone, going by 2012 figures. And that number would be even larger if we calculated based on ALL conservatives, whether they actively vote or not.

As I said earlier, it’s a minefield out there. But one that is necessary to navigate given that we are a social species, and we thrive when we’re loved and receive affection. At any age.

All I can think to suggest at this point is to be selective. Don’t settle. And don’t rush. As both can lead to disaster.

Find someone who seems to have a good set of values, and a good track record adhering to those values. And this takes getting to know someone, which takes time, hence not rushing.

Also, look out for personality disorders. I’d recommend reading up on NPD and BPD, for instance. Learn the warning signs! Don’t become the victim of a predator. And if you encounter one, RUN, don’t walk.

Also, understand that no one is perfect. If you are looking for the perfect partner, you will be looking forever. We all have quirks, both big and small — that also means YOU!

I guess what I am trying to say is, don’t discard a generally good person, if you’ve found one, simply because they aren’t perfect. It seems too many people are so quick to throw in the towel nowadays instead of working at something.

That’s the instant-gratification generation for you!

And by “generally good person”, I mean they possess good values, they love you, and they are faithful. As the latter appears to be in short-supply nowadays, and getting all the more rare. And without the latter, you can’t claim someone possesses the former two attributes.

And, for the love of God, if you think you’re going to find Mr. or Ms. “Right” on Tinder, or at a bar or club, you need to rethink your game plan!

Anyway, to those actively looking, best of luck to you! You’re likely going to need it.

Leave your comments below.

 

REFERENCES:

US Experiment on infants withholding affection https://stpauls.vxcommunity.com/Issue/Us-Experiment-On-Infants-Withholding-Affection/13213

The Rising Relative Risk of Mortality for Singles: Meta-Analysis and Meta-Regression https://academic.oup.com/aje/article/174/4/379/137060

Mortality in single fathers compared with single mothers and partnered parents: a population-based cohort study https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpub/article/PIIS2468-2667(18)30003-3/fulltext?elsca1=tlpr

Premature mortality among lone fathers and childless men. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15246173

Social isolation – Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_isolation

Infidelity Statistics 2018: Why, When, and How People Stray https://www.trustify.info/blog/infidelity-statistics-2018

Facing a rising tide of personality disorders https://ct.counseling.org/2013/11/facing-a-rising-tide-of-personality-disorders/

How common are borderline and narcissistic personality disorders? https://www.bpdcentral.com/faq/personality-disorders

Who Cheats More: Liberals or Conservatives? http://www.nocommitment.com/who-cheats-more-liberals-or-conservatives/

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